Nutzloses vom Schreiberling

Auf dem Weg von seiner Geliebten in die heimischen Gefilde hörte Altbundeskanzler Helmut Kohl in den Nachrichten, daß Neu Bundeskanzlerin Angelika Merkel Annäherung zu Amerika vereinbart habe.
For Freude geriet er ins Stolpern und stürzte zu Boden. So eine Schnelligkeit hätte er seinem Liebling nicht zu getraut. Der herbeieilende Arzt konnte nur noch den Knochenbruch feststellen.
Fraglich ist, ob Kohl Anklage erheben wird, da er jetzt keine Büchersignierungen mehr veranstalten kann...
Das war natürlich ein Fake... die news auf dem Link dazu :)

The office is not a flower shop


Yes Yes Yes, I didnt think that was going to happen.
I have a nice big green plant standing at the windosill in my office, I have no glue what the name of that plant is but I know enough to tell, when it needs transplanting to a bigger pot.
I like that plant a lot because it is nice to look at and gives my eyes a break while I'm sitting all day long in front of the PC screen making a couple of bucks. I mean the job is not to bad and I make enough money to feed my two children and myself, but then there is not much more left...
But I wanted to talk about my plant today. Like I said, I was observing my plant since a few months now allready.
By accident one day I liftet the inside plantingpot up and noticed, that there were a lot of the plants roots sticking out of the watering holes at the bottom. They were allready some kind of thick and I was wondering, how long it would have taken to grow out of that pot so long and round and round the pot.
So I carefully put the inner plantpot into the outer one, so that I don't hurt the roots of my green plant. Weeks followed, where I did nothing about it but for watering.
Then one day, maybe eight weeks ago I noticed a little yellow shine to the leafes on two branches of my beautifull green plant.
Of course this had me worried. I thougt about it every day I looked at it. I was telling my plant, whats up with you, why are you getting so yellow here?
My beautifull plant was just standing there without looking at me. I could feel it was pissed at me, because I knew...
My plant was looking out the window, ignoring me.
Ignoring me, the hard working single mom. That was to much.
Today I made the desission to transfer my plant to a bigger, much more beautifull plantpot, so it will shine in a beautifull green again.
So just before work, I was on the look out for the perfekt pot. I was allready dressed up ready for business, put my bag in my car and got a plastic bag, so I could put the pot in there and also get some dirt in ther to.
I go to the garage, it is still dark and I turn the lightswitch...bom... the lightbulb was bursting. Luckily is the ligthbulb inside the garage and I was standing on the outside, not to think of all that glas in my haar.
So I move inside stepping very slowly and carefully, because my kids and my ex-boyfriend have so much stuff in there, I dont wanne break my foot for some planting soil and a pot.
Suddendly I feel something sliding over my face and I scream. At the same moment do I reallyse, that it was only a spiderweb. My kids are allarmed and running thowards me. Stay there, stay there, I'm telling them, its nothing seriuos, I just got scared. I pick up the plantpot and the dirt and put it in my plastic bag, telling my kids to go and get in the car allready.
Finally I get to take a seat in the car to. By mistake I get a glimse of myself in the rearfewmirrow.
I could have screamed again, but I am a mother and its from me, what my kids learn about the world. And only because I feel this much arrgh when I see spiders, doesn't mean I have to raise my kids that way. So I staid perfektly quiet, till my boy said "Oh mom, you've got a spider in your hair." And I still didnt move when I askded him "can you please take it of of me and throw it out the car?"
And he did. What a hero, I love him.
So after this I drove the kids to school, thinking allready that there were some strange noises in the back of the car. But I was late on my way allready and just to stubborn to stop and look what that noise is comming from.
A little while later I am at the parkinglot, unloading everything and getting into my office. There I want to put my green plant into the bigger pot first thing, before anybody comes to the office to see me.
I take the pot out of the bag and vave to swallow, because its broken. The pot must have been knocking together with my juice bottle while I was driving and now there is a big crack in it. I am pissed because I know it is my fault. I should have stopped the car and looked for the noise.
I decide to turn the crack to the window side, so it is harder to see. Then I take my beloved plant and I am trying to get it out of the old planter. I am tearing and pulling at it, allways afraid to do unreparable damages, this plant is not moving for even half an inch out of this old, stupid, and way to small pot. The only thing moving was the soil of it. It was allready covering my desk, the carpet and part of my outlaying papers.
I didnt like the soil on top of the carpet. The cleaning lady just went through the office about an hour ago and now what?
I needed to think of something. Then I took the paperbasket and put the plant inside of it. I must get this plant out of this pot!!!
Thanks heaven was the insidepot made out of plastic. Ha. So I took the biggest pair of
scissors which I could find and tried to cut the pot open.
Well at the very top the plastic is thicker, so it was'nt working. I needed to get to it from the bottom. But how to cut and hold it at the same time?
I got some old newspaper on my table and decided to lay my plant onto the side. Carefully of course. At the bottom were some holes, there were the roots allready coming out from. I felt sorry, but there was no way, I needed to take those roots of first or there was no way to get my plant out to a bigger pot.
I cut the roots of and as I was cutting into the plastic, there was such a tension thet it sprang ride back an the soil , or that what was left for roots, sprang all over my office desk.
I just gave up and did not try anymore, to keep everything clean.
I planted my green plant into the bigger pot, put it to the window with the crack away from me and left, to see if I could still catch the Cleaning Lady in another room.
She followd me with her vacuum cleaner in one hand and the duster in the other...